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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30131475">You're my least favorite person on Earth</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tubob0/pseuds/tubob0'>tubob0</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Enemies to Friends, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Enemies, Gen, Jack Manifold is the best, Post-Betrayal, Swearing, also Tubbo wears a dress, apathetic Tubbo, sometimes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 16:32:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,445</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30131475</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tubob0/pseuds/tubob0</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tubbo hated tall people. It was not a fear, it was pure hatred. He could list a million reasons why tall people were dumb and stupid; especially his cousins Tommy and Wilbur.</p>
<p>Maybe the hatred stemmed from the fact he was the shortest person in his family. How he’d be coo-ed at over his reasonable 5’6 height. He was average. Average is fine. Nothing wrong with being average. As someone who was average, he would know.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>A angsty crackfic. [Incomplete]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tommy &amp; Ranboo, Tubbo &amp; Ranboo, tubbo &amp; tommy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>88</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Fuck you, bitchass.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bee (Tubbo) and Boo (Ran) were inseparable. Attached by the hip even. They lined up their school, sleeping and eating schedules to spend the most amount of time together. They wore matching sweaters on Fridays and their lockets on Tuesdays. </p>
<p>Tubbee - his combined nickname that Ran(boo) called him - was the more chaotic one. He’d shoplift knives and frying pans out of stores seeking to one day get a refrigerator. If anyone asked how, he would pull up a 100+ google slide filled with probability, blueprints, hand signals and a way to cut off electricity for 43 minutes and 18 seconds on the dot. He had timed it.</p>
<p>Ran, or more well-known as Ranboo, was the lax one of the two. Sure he’d have fits of mania in the hallway and was obsessed with Haikyuu!!! and volleyball, but he wouldn’t flip out if you commented on his and Tubbo’s height difference.</p>
<p>The only difference they had was about love. Tubbo was too involved in robotics and in his father’s garage to even think about it and Ranboo would sit in his chair while listening to sappy love songs while ranting to Tubbo about his latest heartbreak. On Twitter of course.</p>
<p>“E-dating is so hard, Tubs, I recommend never doing it. It takes so much <em>everything</em>.” Ranboo demonstrated “<em>everything</em>” by circling his wrist and making a big air circle and proceeded to crush his fingers in a fist.</p>
<p>“Mhm.” Tubbo replied, not even bothering to look back.</p>
<p>“Anyway, how’s your project coming along? Sorry if I was speaking over you..”</p>
<p>“Huh? Oh no you’re fine, I like listening to your ramblings. Tell me all about your love adventures Boo.” Tubbo screwed in another nut on his screw and made a manly grunt as he tightened it.</p>
<p>“Really?! Alright so-” Tubbo zoned out immediately after hearing Ranboo’s voice pitch higher. It’s not that he wasn’t upset at him, he just <em>didn’t</em>  want to hear about his newest adventures that would lead to getting blue balls.  It got taxing after a while, especially when it became an everyday talk.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>The room was dark and smelt a bit musky and not in a good way. </p>
<p>Tubbo hadn’t left his room in a week.</p>
<p>Hadn’t showered in two.</p>
<p>Hadn’t eaten in a day.</p>
<p>He’d spent every second lying on his bed sobbing. His heart wrenched, his eyes puffy and his head never stopped aching. Sometimes the tears would get so strong he would dry heave and choke on feelings.</p>
<p>Everyone was worried no doubt. Every day during the first week Ran had called. Of course he knew it was Ran even after he deleted his contact. How could he forget his best friend. </p>
<p>Oh yeah, his <em>ex-best friend</em>.</p>
<p>Ran fucked it up and he was sure he was beating himself up over it. And for once, he wasn’t concerned over how late Ran would stay up and mull things over. He wouldn’t have to call Ran at 3 in the morning to say it was bedtime even if he himself went to bed an hour later. He hadn’t felt this . . . unworried since Ran was friends with Dream and had never spared him a glance.</p>
<p>He felt so <em><strong>empty</strong></em>.</p>
<p>And he had never felt better.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. I hate you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>“I’M ONLY TRYING TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR US!”</p>
  <p>“Well I never asked for this, I never wanted this! All that I want is some time to myself.”</p>
  <p>“Just get away from me, please just stop touching me. You’re always trying to be somebody else.”</p>
  <p>“Well you’re only scared of me.”</p>
  <p>“But you never cared for me.”</p>
  <p>“Why don’t you let me free.”</p>
  <p>“God, won’t you just leave me alone?”</p>
</div><hr/>
<p>It took a month for Tubbo to pretend everything was back to normal. A month of crying, of begging, of reliving their argument. Reliving the screaming and the pain until it became second nature. Until he could recite every word that they said. He could picture every push and shove, every hand that wiped tears, every lost hug and reached out hand as Ran turned his back. As Ran left him forever.</p>
<p>In that month, Tubbo had picked up an old job for his freetime. It was a honeybee sanctuary. Corny as it was - for the fact that Tubbo still had a bee duvet that had long faded to yellow and black blobs - it gave him endless joy and he spent almost all hours of the day there. The farm was far enough away from town that he could sit in peace without hearing cars and people walking around chatting with friends. </p>
<p>During there he met a boy by the name of Jack Manifold. Jack was <em>weird</em> weird. He wore 3d movie glasses everywhere and was bald. Well not butt-naked bald, but more like “I didn’t shave for 3 days and now I have fuzz feeling on me” bald. Enough baldness to be bald but not asscheeks. </p>
<p>Jack Manifold spoke with some posh british ass accent - no that Tubbo didn’t have one, he just liked to think his was more refined.</p>
<p>Jack also hated Tommy. Tommy was Tubbo’s cousin, it was kinda obvious on how their mannerisms mirrored one anothers when they were in the same room and how they just clicked. </p>
<p>“Tubbo, y’know who you remind me of?”</p>
<p>“Hm?” Tubbo absentmindedly answered biting into a tangerine and screwing up his face at the bitterness.</p>
<p>“Ran.”</p>
<p>“Hm.” Tubbo spit out what he chewed and secretly placed the tangerine down - if Jack saw he wasn’t eating his ‘gift’ he’d have hell to pay.</p>
<p>“You two would get along I think, you both are quiet and have similar interests.”</p>
<p>“Hm.” Tubbo didn’t trust him to speak. Of course that was the third hm in a row, but he couldn’t help it. If he were to produce actual words he could slip up and start badmouthing the one person who was there for him - albeit a small amount of time - to the newest one person who was there for him.</p>
<p>“Do you know Ran? I could introduce you to him if you’d li-”</p>
<p>Tubbo shot up.</p>
<p>“Jack, look, a fucking squirrel.” He pointed towards the distance where you could faintly see a bushy tail on a tree trunk. </p>
<p>Jack started sneaking towards it as quietly as possible. The squirrel hadn’t noticed them yet - which was a surprise - and if it did it didn’t seem to care. Jack got into reaching distance and Tubbo grabbed his waist which caused him to screech.</p>
<p>“Tubbo!” Jack gasped. “You made me scare the squirrel away.” They watched as it’s bushy tail disappeared through the leaves.</p>
<p>Tubbo broke out in laughter, “You jumped like 3 feet! You should’ve seen your face mate.” While wiping away the tears he missed the look on Jack’s face. Jack looked at him with pure adoration of a big brother and pretended to be upset.</p>
<p>“Little bastard.” Jack pushed his shoulder and he fell over into a bush. His eyes widened as his ass got wet from running water.</p>
<p>“Jack!” He yelled, “You pushed me into a crick you cunt!” He grabbed Jack’s extended hand and tried to look at the wet spot.</p>
<p>“How bad?”</p>
<p>“New shorts bad.”</p>
<p>“Oh you prick, I loved these shorts.”</p>
<p>“Sucks to suck.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>The two sat in front of Tubbo’s portable fan eating strawberry shortcake ice pops.</p>
<p>“I told you it was good. It’s almost like you’re 70 and afraid of trying something new.” Tubbo ate a quarter of the pop in a bite.</p>
<p>“I said it was ‘a weird idea’ not that it would be bad Tubs.”</p>
<p>Tubbo paused half-bite and looked at Jack with a blank expression. It only lasted for a moment, but Jack picked up on the pause. Not that he said anything, but made a mental note to not use that nickname again.</p>
<p>“Anyway it isn’t half bad.” Jack continued, “I expected worse, I mean you’re you.”</p>
<p>Tubbo wrinkled his nose at Jack and smooshed the rest of his ice cream onto Jack's shorts.</p>
<p>“Dude! I liked those shorts!”</p>
<p>“Sucks to suck, Jack.”</p>
<p>Jack tackled Tubbo and tickled him mercilessly.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Tubbo had scabs and scars but finally the wounds had closed.</p>
<p>He was still tender and at any moment they could break open, but with great care one day he could heal possibly even better than before.</p>
<p>Some days he thought about Ran; what was he doing? Had he felt the same? Had he shut down too? Did he even care?</p>
<p>Then that day would flash back and Tubbo knew he didn’t, that he’d moved on the moment he turned away. That he wouldn’t have cared to begin with.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Song is Evelyn Evelyn by Evelyn Evelyn and the album is Evelyn Evelyn. I rephrased some of the lyrics to it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Tea Dicks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The fine china clanged as Tommy and Ran’s cups collided. At first no one would think about this gesture, but not even a minute after impact the two were on the ground whaling on one another.</p><p>“Give up, <em>boobie</em>.” Tommy gloated as Ran lay in a chokehold.</p><p>“How- . . . what-” he paused for a breath, “never, bitchboy.”</p><p>No one had won that match because Tommy’s father - Philza - walked in with a tray of mini-sandwiches.</p><p>The two raced to the tray, slowing each other by yanking limbs and shirts to pull back. Philza sighed and placed down the tray as Ran tumbled down into his seat followed by Tommy.</p><p>“Quiet down Toms.” A shudder went through the two, they were in first name-basis territory.</p><p>“Yes sir, sir yes sir.” Tommy made a saluting motion - albeit, wrong - and Philza rolled his eyes. Instead of continuing the banter with Tommy he looked over at Ran and gave his million-dollar worth smile. <em>God Philza was cool.</em></p><p>That’s what Ran liked about it at Tommy’s rowdy house; he was included in everything - even though they reused an old nickname he didn’t like anymore.  “You good boo? I hope Tommy hasn’t been too pushy.” Phil not-so-subtly pushed the tray of food closer to Ran.</p><p>Tommy and Ran made eye contact and an entire argument happened in a second.</p><p>Tommy’s eyes widened - <em>don’t you say <strong>shit</strong></em>.</p><p>Ran smirked for a millisecond - <em>and if I do</em>?</p><p>Tommy glowered - <em>I’ll get Tubbo</em>.</p><p>Suddenly Ran sported a wide smile and innocent eyes, “No Philza Minecraft, he’s been the usual. Nothing I can’t handle.”</p><p>Usual meant endearingly annoying to the point where he’d choose it over anything in the world but would <em><strong>never</strong></em> tell Tommy that.</p><p>Phil wasn’t the stupidest man alive - he was even considered the ‘greatest’ by Tommy and Ran. So he knew they just had one of their moments. The ones where they had talked without talking; and that Tubbo had been involved, because Tubbo was always involved. So instead of pressuring Ran’s fake smile he accepted the fact he wouldn’t be told.</p><p>“Alright boys, glad you’re still getting along. Quiet down a bit, Techno has a presentation around 6.” Phil waved a hand and he was suddenly gone.</p><p>Not actually, Tommy had just been zoned out and Ran had been more focused on the salami and bleu cheese sandwiches that are made specifically for him; because as Techno likes to say, “You may be the best child I know, but that is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen and cannot defend you for that, which sparks up a debate on whether bleu cheese is really the devil's anus of the cheese world.</p><p>Techno: ||| </p><p>Ran: |</p><p>Philza’s belt: ||||</p><p>They sat for a few minutes making slight small talk with only Honey by Kehlani as background noise.</p><p>“This is the most tiktok-ey music I’ve ever fuckin heard.” </p><p>“Change it then.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Then don’t complain.”</p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p>“Ok.”</p>
<hr/><p>“I’m telling you, it <em>has</em> to be purposely designed to look like a dick. There is no way the design person or whatever was looking at that and said ‘yep, looks about right.’ without unknowingly making that dick.” Tommy held up his cup to Ran’s eyes.</p><p>“I think you’re too obsessed with dicks, Tom. Are you sure you’re not gay, if you are you don’t have to worry I’m accepting of all sexualities. I do not care about who you lo-”</p><p>“SHUT UP BOO!” Tommy screeched. “I do not like men, have you seen men??? Worst creation in the world. Now women are pog.”</p><p>“Is that why you call me boob? Because you haven’t gotten a girlfriend yet?”</p><p>“Die.”</p><p>“Ok.”</p>
<hr/><p>Shouting could be heard throughout the house followed by monkey “ooh ooh ah ah” noises and screams.</p><p>It was Mario Kart night and the stakes were high. Wilbur’s favorite spoon, Techno’s extra crown, Tommy’s boombox, Phil’s taxes and Ran’s left shoe were sitting on the winner’s table. Winner keeps all, 48 races, 200cc.</p><p>They’d been playing for an hour by now. The score read;</p><p>1. Techy [Tommy wrote that] | 325<br/>
2. Boob | 291<br/>
3. Wilby | 287<br/>
4. Dad | 269 [lol]<br/>
5. Tommyinnitthegrea | 233</p><p>Tommy did most of the screaming - specifically at Donkey Kong because ‘he’s such a fucking loser I should have never picked him’. </p><p>Butts were clenched, it was round 48/48. Techno was going to win, but that didn’t matter because they expected that. What everyone else was hoping for was 2nd place. Ran was in 2nd place currently with Wilbur close behind and Tommy covering up the back.</p><p>At some point the game decided to give Tommy good RNG because of how pitiful he was doing and he was given a blue shell and a bullet back-to-back. He sent Techno into a grumbling mess and flew past everyone else.</p><p>With all the rainbow glory he won the final match and started cheering and pounding on his chest.</p><p>And was still in last place.</p><p>He had another lap to go.<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p>At some point after their match Tommy and Ran got tired and being the best friends they are, they cuddled under the My Little Pony blanket that Tommy owned. It was the softest, warmest, biggest fucking blanket in existence and neither were too embarrassed to sleep in it.</p><p>Ran was a little bit taller than Tommy so he - begrudgingly - was the small spoon. It didn’t matter too much because Tommy fell asleep almost immediately and started drooling. Around 5 more minutes passed before he went out cold as well.</p><p>At some point Philza went to check up on them because of their quietness only to see the cutest scene he’s ever seen. He called Techno and Wilbur up and the room became a fashion week runway. Phil had to push them all out once he saw Tommy beginning to stir.</p><p>They slept well that night, something about ‘The gods accepting our offerings and blessing us with Rainbow Dash’.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Whoops was supposed to post htis a while ago (sorry i got into sk8) ,, anyway I loved Hog Hunt! Sadist really outdid herself with the tommy scenes. Also i fucking hate google docs’ copy n papste thing on the computer bc its so shit how it cuts off soemtimes and moves shit around like wtf google docs</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. nuke the firdge</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>fridge go boom</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Tubbo blows up a fridge in this with bomb so if you dont like bombs dont continue after " Tubbo liked to take his anger out by blowing up or burning shit." :thumbs up:</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tubbo sat in the shopping cart with his bright pink unicorn helmet on. Jack pushed him closer to the slope of the hill. Down below was a road that was unused for the most part and an open field for him to crash land into.</p>
<p>This is a bad idea. This is a <em>horrible</em> idea. Oh my god how did he even convince Jack to push him down a big ass hill into an open field that won't cushion him at all and what if a car comes? Then what? He’ll fucking die, that’s what. Gotta get outa the fucking kart holy shi-</p>
<p>His thoughts stopped racing the moment he sped down the hill.</p>
<p>“HOLY FUCKING SHIT JAAAAACK!” Tubbo screamed - voice cracking -  as the kart didn’t slow down across the intersection. </p>
<p>Luckily, no cars were coming and he safely crash-landed into a dirt pile and weeds 6 meters away from the road. His head pounded from slamming into the metal bar and he swore he saw stars.</p>
<p>Jack jogged down and appeared at his side, “Well? Was it at least fun to get thrown down a hill at gravity’s mercy?” He looked smug as balls and in <em><strong>no</strong></em> way was Tubbo going to give him that benefit.</p>
<p>“Would do it a thousand times over big man.” Tubbo’s pounding head, slightly shaking arms and unfocused eyes told another story but the damn confidence level of the boy wiped away all retorts from Jack.</p>
<p>“You okay at least Tubso?”</p>
<p>“Better than ever, again. <em><strong>Now</strong></em>.”</p>
<p>“Tubso maybe we shouldn’t I mean what if you actually get hurt next time? Your mother would fucking <em>kill</em> me.”</p>
<p>“Again.”</p>
<p>“Tubbo.”</p>
<p>“Again.”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>"No."</p>
<p>“Ye-” Tubbo was going to continue their argument until a 40 ton truck flew by at like 2 million mph.</p>
<p>“Nevermind.” he meekly said and Jack laughed so hard he doubled over.</p>
<p>“Shut up Jack.” Tubbo took off his helmet and slammed it down onto Jack’s head causing Jack to groan in pain and grab his head.</p>
<p>“You bitch!” Jack rolled around in the grass a bit and screamed bloody murder.</p>
<p>“Jack you’re being a pussy.” Tubbo rolled his eyes until he saw why Jack had screamed.</p>
<p>
  <em>Snake.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh my fuckign god there wa s asntake oh ym goed get i t AWAY.</em>
</p>
<p>Jack grabbed the Tubbo infested kart and booked it to their car; the two screaming the entire way.</p>
<p>Once in the car the two looked at one another with stoic expressions. An unsaid agreement between the two; do not speak of this day or I will expose you.</p><hr/>
<p>Jack worked at an Ice Cream shop as well during the summer. Something about the money won't come rolling in itself and ice cream is the best way to lure it in.</p>
<p>Tubbo lived there on days they didn’t go to the sanctuary. He got ‘discounts’ - free ice cream whenever, just don't get Jack in trouble - and so he’d be lounged on the tubbo chair upside-down or whatever position he so wished that day.</p>
<p>Today he wore the beaten up unicorn helmet that was well loved and spent most of Jack’s pre-break shift blasting ‘i wanna slam my head against the wall’ by glaive.</p>
<p>“Tubbo I swear you’re scaring away the customers.”</p>
<p>Tubbo grunted back.</p>
<p>“Good conversation dude.”</p>
<p>Tubbo was about to grunt again, but the bell chimed and four boys walked in.</p>
<p>Oh.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p>
<p>He recognized Tommy immediately. Tommy was loud and obnoxious and his favorite cousin that he hadn’t spoken to in 4 months. He knew the other two were Wilbur and Techno, but was more focused on the kid in the back of the squad. The one that looked a little anxious to be there and fiddled with his hands and avoided Jack like the plague.</p>
<p>“Hey Jack, a double strawberry and-” Techno turned to the two in the back. “CHOCOLATE.” Tommy screamed back as Ran mumbled cookie dough. Techno turned around, “Chocolate in a kid cone and the biggest cookie dough tower you can make.” </p>
<p>Tommy started sputtering and arguing against that and it looked as if Techno had tuned him out. “Wil wants blueberry?” Wilbur nodded. “Yeah he wants blueberry.”</p>
<p>Jack nodded and began making the cones as Techno and Wilbur sat down at the bar.</p>
<p>Tommy had been too immersed in bitching to realize Tubbo was there, and just <em>maybe</em> if he had noticed he could’ve prevented Ran from making eye contact with his mortal enemy.</p>
<p>Except he didn't. </p>
<p>And in Ran’s anxious tendencies he scanned the room to see Tubbo, upside-down, with a unicorn helmet and bee slippers looking dirty as fuck, <em><strong>fuming</strong></em>. Almost fire blazing from his eyes and smoke coming out of his ears.</p>
<p>Ran widened his eyes but didn’t look away, because Tubbo was like a lion and you had to glare at him back. At some point it got awkward or the rest noticed the staring contest because Ran was given a huge ass cone of ice cream and shoved out the door.</p><hr/>
<p>Tubbo liked to take his anger out by blowing up or burning shit.</p>
<p>Today’s victim; <strong>Samsung</strong> 36 Inch Wide 27.9 Cu. Ft. Energy Star Rated French 4-Door Refrigerator with SmartThings Features</p>
<p>He was gifted it on his 15th birthday by Tommy and had been saving it for a moment like this.</p>
<p>He took out his custom made axe called ‘bitchslayer’ and beat the living shit out of that fridge.</p>
<p>It stood half up, the doors falling off, ice tossed across his garage and wire parts gouged out.</p>
<p>Pleased with his masterpiece, Tubbo put the fridge on wheels and carted it out onto the blowing shit up zone. He had no license to blow stuff up, but Philza paid the government to stay quiet everytime he needed to.</p>
<p>Tubbo lifted up his homemade pipe bombs with the craziest smile. Jack had stood far back just in case of an emergency, but enough to stay out of range of the anger.</p>
<p>With two quick movements he tossed his children onto the corpse of a fridge and scrambled backwards.</p><hr/>
<p>Tubbo sat on the makeshift ER table Jack had for after explosion checkups.</p>
<p>“I don't wanna do this Jack, just let me go check how pog it was.” Tubbo whined and kicked his legs.</p>
<p>“No. Because I cannot let you get hurt or there goes my ice cream buddy.”</p>
<p>“Woe is me, Jack only uses me for ice cream discounts.” He lifted the back of his hand to his forehead only for it to be smacked down.</p>
<p>“Shut up Tubbo and let me get this done.”<br/>
“Wah wah.”</p>
<p>“I’ll wah wah you.” And he tied a useless bandage around Tubbo’s leg as tights as possible.</p>
<p>“JACK! GET IT OFF.” </p>
<p>“Wah wah.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>anyway i changed chapter 1 &amp; 2 bc i didnt like how they were before. so if you read the first version of them you might be like wtf is this now. :thumbs up:</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Black big-ass platform pumps</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ranboo = past tubbo n ranboo relationship</p><p>ran = present tubbo n ranboo relationshjip</p><p>boob is like sbi at all tiems</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“How do these look?” Tubbo slid open the dressing curtain and struck his right leg out with hands on his hips. The platform boots made Tubbo grow several inches and swallowed his legs. He didn’t mind, however, and waited for the verdict.</p><p>Around a minute of twirling and poses had passed and finally Ranboo seemed to have made a decision. “They look good, better than the pumps. . . those made you look like a grandma. Are you sure with white though?” Ranboo looked a little skeptical that Tubbo would get white because of how dirty he could get in the shop.</p><p>“If I wanted questioning on what colors I would get my big ass boots I would have consulted <em>George</em>.” Tubbo sat down on the floor, disregarding the fact he had a lace poofy-dress and started yanking the platforms off. </p><p>“Wait wait wait you have to untie them dummy.” </p><p>“Knew that.”</p><p>Tubbo took Ranboo’s advice and started untying them and almost finished until a small boy walked up to the two.</p><p>Ranboo made an awkward amount of eye contact as Tubbo was able to ignore the situation. The boy was sucking on some blue-flavored loli and had a mishmash of condescending and curious eyes. Then <em><strong>BAM</strong></em> truckslam question on the dot.</p><p>“Why are you wearing a dress? You’re a boy.” Tubbo stopped and snapped up at the kid. Even on the verge of combusting his face softened when he realized the kid wasn’t <em>that</em> big of a dick.</p><p>“I want to.” He pulled the platforms off and threw on his worn-down sneaks.</p><p>“Only girls wear dresses, that’s what my dad says.”</p><p>Ranboo was experienced so he took it from there; “Sometimes parents can be wrong - even if you don’t think they are. Clothes don’t belong to a certain person, bub.” The little shit looked lost.</p><p>“Okay. But why does he have a poofy dress? They are for special occasions like mommy says.”</p><p>The two looked over at Tubbo in harmony and he sighed, “Felt pretty that’s why, nothing special ‘cept just that I felt like it.” The boy didn’t get it obviously but nodded anyway.</p><p>“Mother says not to talk to strangers if you don’t know their names, so what are yours? Mine is Michael.”</p><p>“Ranboo.”</p><p>“Tubbo.”</p><p>Michael nodded and looked a little nervous; he flapped open his mouth several times as Tubbo threw the boots back in the box. “What’s up Michael?” Ranboo noticed the fidgeting and he immediately relaxed.</p><p>“Can I wear a dress?” </p><p>“Course, we can buy you one too.”</p>
<hr/><p>That’s how he spent the rest of Dress Day™ with some 11-year-old kid he made friends with and a freaked out mother that paced back and forth because her son was wearing a childrens dress on the playground.<br/>
That, in fact, did not stop Tubbo and Michael from doing runwalks and beatdowns where they’d strut their shit to a cheering Ranboo and proceed to tackle him if he didn’t give good enough scores. It did, however, attract looks from some conservative parents and old blokes who were too far up their own asses to realize it was three kids just having fun. Michael’s mom, Michelle, - what an ugly name trio; Michael, Michelle and Jackass McGee - had at least smiled and exchanged phone numbers with the two so Michael could play every weekend. </p><p>The moon was kinda rising and the three were lying in the grass. It was a race to see who could find the first star.</p><p>“I swear that’s one, I <em>swear</em>!” Michael shouted at a moving dot in the sky.</p><p>“That’s a plane, loser.”</p><p>“Shut up Tubbo you’re too small to even reach them so”</p><p>“WHAT?? You’re shorter than me Michael! You can't just talk about someone’s height like that, it's very sensitive y’know.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“No, No I don’t care. My height is pog for me”</p><p>“What does pog mean?”</p><p>Ranboo groaned and covered his ears as he was unwilling to hear the “pog talk” and his add-on vocabulary that included pog, swag, poggers and WICKED DICKS.</p>
<hr/><p>Tubbo hadn’t had a Dress Day™ in about 6-ish months. He missed it, truly, but ever since Michael got taken away by the joint divorce custody it wasn’t the same. So that’s why he sat leaning over his bed looking at an expensive lolita dress that he had saved up for by himself. The boots he once wore religiously looked faded and ancient now that he thought about it.</p><p>
  <em>Yeeeeesh way to be a Debby Downer</em>
</p><p>Tubbo threw the shit back in his closet and curled up on his bed. Sure, he had fun with Jack and whenever they were together his mind wouldn’t wander; but it all came down to when he was alone. Then he could truly see what hadn’t he pushed down and forgotten about.</p><p>Because every time he remembered about a little boy who had a dream to be a princess, or everytime he wandered about how different it would’ve been on that day, he realized that he never healed and those scars only deepened as time went on. At some point those scars would go through and he’d be exposed to the world, but he would never get that far. </p><p>Tubbo cried a bit at that thought.</p><p>It’ll be all okay, I promise.</p><p>Too bad that comforting thought was in Ranboo’s voice.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>dress tubbo is swag tubbo :thumbs up:</p><p>now i disappear for week o7</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you saw the first version of this, no you didn't. </p>
<p>Anyway, the plot has changed so get ready for me to forget about it for a while.</p>
<p>Ran is Ranboo's 'real' name in this fic; Tubbo and SBI called/calls him boo and Tommy calls him boob or boobie.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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